sensations of the end

Having a life compartmentalized means I experience many beginnings and ends. Periods of adjustment and anticipation.

Before I left for Morocco I began to experience my first sensations of another end drawing nigh. I had decided not to renew my contract, and knew when I returned from the trip there would only be a month left in France. Immediately my brain began spinning, considering the loose ends that would need to be tied up; sorting through papers, mailing things home that were too bulky to carry, considering the process of shutting down a bank account and transferring funds.

Now that I am into the final month in Rodez, less than a month left on the continent even, the anticipation has given way to procrastination. Piles of paper sit on my floor, most of which I know will be tossed. Couldn’t tell you exactly why I kept them in the first place. Maybe some notion of saving teaching resources, ready to be used again.

Sort, box, deposit at the post office. Won’t take too long, and I really can’t do a proper job until the end of things, so they can sit for now.

Every day I consider going to the bank and figuring out just how easy or hard it will be to sort out my accounts, but there’s always too much of a line for me to bother. Then last night I realized the bank has restricted hours on Mondays, if it’s not closed entirely, meaning I may need to push back my departure by another day just to make sure I can get my last paycheque on the Friday and then make sure all loose ends are tied off before I leave.

Thus is life.

As usual the end is accompanied by a beginning, but this go round the beginning remains indeterminate. There are choices and options before me, outside influences more or less within my control that are slowly emerging from the ether. Eventually they will concretize and the choice will be left to me. Up, down, left, right, or around and around?

And the great voyage rumbles on.